Yoga teachers are perfect beings?! Ha ha!!! Nope! There is so much pressure for teachers in the yoga world. We practice observances and restraints. Many of us meditate, and are supposed to be free from attachments-from gluten, alcohol and material desires. We, my dears, are on a direct road to enlightenment!
I consider myself a positive person. Perhaps an idealist, too, I admit that. I am also a dreamer in the best possible sense. A dream is like a hint that comes directly from your soul, a deep desire to become a full expression of yourself in this world. We all have a unique life purpose; "Svadharma". My teacher sent me a birthday message that said: "May the light of your heart shows you the way of your Dharma". Thankfully, after all these years, I am starting to see with more clarity that path.
But I have always had this problem: Perfectionism. I tell you something, perfectionism sucks! Trying to be perfect is nothing but insecurity, fear of not being ever good enough. Perfectionism stops you from doing things you want to do. We fill ourselves with excuses: because this is not perfect, I won't do this, or that! Perfectionism cripples you! By the way, this does not mean that I am against doing your best, but that is a different thing.
A few months ago I did a practical exercise under the guidance of my teacher, Rod Stryker. We did a Vichara practice and afterwards we were supposed to tell a partner what our desire was. Our "Vichara buddy" would ask us questions that would lead us to really discover what was our deeper "false belief" behind that desire. During this process, I knew that my desire was "perfection", being the perfect yoga teacher... but when she asked me: And what would you be like if you were perfect? Oh my God!!! This was a revelation to me, I realised what I would be: BORING! DULL! ROBOTIC! PREDICTABLE! UNATTRACTIVE! and above all: INHUMAN!!
Ahhhh, it is so refreshing not to be perfect! Because that gives me a reason to live. Life is a school. Whatever is in front of me each moment of the day is my practice and whoever is in front of me, is my teacher! Every time I make a mistake I stop. I observe myself and I willingly take the lift to the 7th floor of consciousness. Once there I ask my inner teacher: " What I am supposed to learn from this experience? " And always, always, always the answer comes!
So, if I was perfect I would be on that top floor of higher consciousness all the time and I would not live in duality. For the time being, I will stick around with my brothers and sisters, embracing my humanness, visiting the top floor often but coming down to collect much needed experiences.
I will take nourishment around here a little longer, growing older and wiser. Hopefully that top floor will be a more familiar place when my time to depart comes.
